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Comments

  1. I like the concept, it is very original. I like the naming scheme as well, it helps me keep track of the characters and the NBA counterparts. I personally think the formatting of your introduction could use some work. Your introduction has so much blank space. You could consider rearranging your textbox and picture to be side-by-side. I am also interested to see who the other characters end up being with their NBA likenesses. One other thing to consider is making your banner image larger so you can see more of the NBA logo, this would make it easier to tell what the image is. I think you could as put the first line of your intro in quotation marks like dialogue, that could make it more like the commissioner announcing the pick. I like how you focused on Lebron as I can tell you consider how to relate this to the story we read. I am excited to see how you make these stories connect.

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  2. Anthony!

    This is such a cool premise. You seem to be completely obsessed with basketball, and I hope that's not an unhealthy addiction. I do have a few recommendations...
    First, add quotes around the first line of your intro. That line is clearly something being said by the commissioner of the RBA. Adding quotes would clarify that. I really like having the first line separated from all the rest of the introduction by the image. I feel like that adds alot to the impact of that first line.
    Second, take a look at your verb tenses. If you are telling the story in past tense, make all of the verbs past tense. If you're using present tense, do the same.
    Third: specifics. I would rephrase a few sentences . Specifically, "... knew they were getting a generational talent" could be changed to "... knew they had drafted a generational talent." This sentence is the beginning of your third paragraph. Also, could you explain WHY LeRama is in love with the trophy? I don't know if that's information you'd want to add, but it could be useful.
    I don't know how you're going to name too many of the other teams. I guess one could be the Pandavas (from the Mahabharata)? Another could be the Rakshasas?
    This is a great start to a storybook that I hope is super exciting!

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    Replies
    1. I wanted to comment on this project again. The idea/theme of your project really spoke to me. The last time I was here, you didn't have the story. I LOVE your story. I know the circumstances of Lebron leaving Cleveland aren't very similar to Rama being exiled, but you certainly made it work. This was extremely creative. I also see that you took alot of my feedback from last time!
      I do still have a bit of feedback:
      1. Check your verb tenses. You were entirely past tense in the introduction until you got to the third paragraph. Then you started to mix it up. Read it out loud, and you'll immediately see where your sentences become awkward. There are one or two sentences with the same problem in your story.
      2. Is the Miami Forest a team or a place? I know Lebron went to the Miami Heat, a team, which is making me confused. If it's a team, maybe you could include a sentence about the players accepting LeRama with open arms? If it's a place, I'd say something like "the vast Miami Forest." Doing that, you'd use an adjective that clearly is not meant to be used for a place, not a team.
      3. What is the bow of Siva in this context? Could you somehow tie that concept back to something specific in the NBA?
      4. Could you flesh out how LeRama was going to ruin the team? I'm not sure it makes a ton of sense that a great and successful player would just wreck his team? Can you creatively explain how Manthara convinced Kaikeyi that LeRama would ruin the team? Maybe something like "He's so good that other players never get passed the ball," they are worried about being compared to him, or that he wants to make the team terrible so he can be traded to a contender in the middle of the season?
      You have an awesome project- obviously. I can't wait to see what you do with one or two more stories. Great job!

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  3. Hi Anthony! I cannot wait to read more about LeRama James and his quest to win the RBA. This introduction is a great hook into the rest of the stories. I really like the naming so far and I am really interested to see how you continue to make good names. I know LeRama James just got drafted, but are we going to see LeRama James get exiled from Ayodhya because of the general manager and end up winning the RBA on another team first? Or are you going to base this on LeBron's second stint in Cleveland and just go straight for the title? Or a mixture of the two? I think it is really cool that you have so many options available to you at this stage in the project. I am surely going to be back to read more, because I love a good sports story and this is going to be good.

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  4. Hey Anthony, I remember commenting on your introduction, and I see that your love for basketball has extended into your stories. I love the basis of your plot and can see this turning into a super fun and cohesive project.
    Definitely interested in how you plan to keep LeRama's timeline in-tact. I imagine it'd be easiest to piece-meal it together as you identify stories that would mesh well with Lebron's real-life timeline. It should be interesting to see how this one plays out.
    I think it would have been funny to have a picture of Lebron during his TV special in "The Decision." I remember watching that play out live many years ago and the ridiculousness of it all, compared to other moves at the time.
    Looking forward to seeing more of your work, Michael!

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  5. Hi Anthony!
    Awesome first story. I love the use of real NBA events and knowledge. I also think it is awesome that you tried to keep the facts as true as possible, even if you has to change the time line a bit to work. My favorite part is 100% the names! I wonder what the Ramayana would have been like if Rama had decided to leave instead of being forced out. Do you think his image would have stayed so clean and pristine? It seems kinda weird because if you are being forced out, one may assume you would not be welcomed back with a king's chair and lots of love, but in Ramayana we know this is exactly what happens. In the real world, filled with media, probably not as much. I am excited to see this story continue to develop. Overall, awesome story and great job!

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  6. Anthony, I'm loving your choice for your project! It's a much different idea to compare it to real world events instead of other stories. Even then, I'd have never thought to connect it with LeBron's career. Being a pretty casual sports watcher, it's interesting to see all the facts I didn't really know about LeBron laid out in a way that also reflects Rama's journey in the Ramayana. Turning Sita into a trophy as his end goal is a great way to relate it to Basketball. I can't wait to see LeRama face off against Ravana later on in the story and how that epic battle will turn into a basketball game. This project along with a few others have really stood out to me as something different and I hope you're having a good time coming up with the similarities between LeBron and Rama. Looking forward to reading this all the way through!

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  7. Anthony, you are quite the basketball fanatic here! Or maybe just a LeBron James super fan. Haha! Either way, you definitely know your stuff. I wish I knew even a little bit about basketball to be able to recognize your allusions and references in this story. I've read a few other basketball themed stories from this class, but yours was definitely the most detailed and informational in the sense of background information and introduction. I know exactly what's going on in the story and how everything starts off. The only thing I might suggest for revisions is to tie more of it in with the actual Indian Epic that you're referring to. I know you stated how LeRama's exile represents LeBron's leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat, but a little more allusion to what happened in the Epic might keep you on track and remind us that we're reading a story with an underlying meaning of the Ramayana and not a short biography of LeBron's basketball career. Just a thought! Happy writing. :-)

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  8. Hey Anthony,

    I'm coming from Laura's Myth and Folklore class, and I have to say that I absolutely love your project so far! As a fellow basketball fanatic myself, I was totally hooked by many of the allusions and jokes that you included in your stories. Turning Delonte West into Manthara made me laugh out loud while reading! I also thought that turning Sita into the championship trophy was a great analogue for this story, as it shows how important she/it is to Rama/LeRama.

    I love how you've been able to so accurately tie in the story of Rama with the story of Lebron James' career, and it's a very well-executed project as a whole. I'm glad to see that you were able to include Ray Allen's legendary game winner in your retelling as well. I'm excited to see what you do with the "Golden Lanka Rakshasas." Keep it up!

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  9. Hey Anthony,

    First, I think it's really cool how you are tying basketball with the Ramayana. Also, I love the new names you gave to the players, particularly LeRama. Having Sita as the Trophy seemed interesting, I wonder how you came up with that thought. I would have loved to see Savannah, his wife in there! It's crazy how well you were able to make the games fit the stories you are portraying!

    I don't consider myself a fan of basketball AT ALL (ever since I found out players could be traded regardless of what they want, I really didn't like the game, regardless, it will always be better than the NFL). When reading your stories and authors note, however, I felt like I really understood what was going on.

    There doesn't seem like a solid timeline for your stories, so I wonder what you are going to do next. Are you thinking of putting in the Season suspension? Or the events that happened with Rudy Gobert?

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